But I've been sucked into this universe of blogs, and I have loved every minute of it. I have bookmarked more favorites that I can possibly read in a day-believe me I've tried. Blogging, or at least reading others' blogs is truly addicting. Unfortunately I don't need another distraction to feed my procrastination. I am not a disciplined person, and my new blog obsession isn't helping me be productive.
I'll tell you though it's not the vaccuum of time reading that annoys me. I've been thoroughly blessed by the journey of so many amazing women, mothers and families. The most debilitating part of this new addiction is what it does to my good intentions and self-esteem. And I have had good intentions, really good intentions. I even have several entries written and ready to post. Here's my dilemma-I now know the landscape of the world around me.
Now I'm not just the new girl who doesn't know anyone. I know who the cool gals are. I know better than to try and mingle or sit with them. They are too perfect, too polished, too poised for the likes of me. And lest they turn a critical eye my way I'd like to remain as inconspicuous as possible. Hence...no posting. (I know what you're thinking, "No one reads this blog anyway. Why do you care?" I know you are right, but did you ever have trouble walking down the hall in ninth grade because you just knew all those seniors would stop their very important conversations to notice and make fun of you? Of course they never did. They were too busy with their lives to care, but the anxiety weighted heavy on your ninth grade psyche didn't it? That's how I feel.
Great writers must find their voice. That's what I love about the bloggers I read. Lysa is witty and warm with a passion for Scripture that comes through when you least expect it. Marybeth is as real as a cup of coffee and writes in a way that makes me think she could be my friend. Renee's life with two boys helps me dream about my future. BigMama is hilarious yet poignant-sometimes in the same sentence! The Nester is so perfectly imperfect that I'm jealous. She writes her passion with such humor and wisdom that I know she is who she says she is. It's too good to be fake. Lots of Scotts reminds me to see Jesus in everything...what perspective she has, and she's a mother of triplets!
Me? Well I'm still looking for my voice. And I kind of hate to do that in front of all you nice people. But saving my thoughts under file and folder sort of defeats the purpose of having a voice at all. So bear with me. I'm trying to overcome the paralysis of perfection.
We'll chat tomorrow, I promise.
Oh, but make sure you check out Lysa's blog. She's doing a Mr. Linky for all the chicas headed to the SheSpeaks conference in a few weeks. Oh the pressure meeting most of these gals live and in person. I'm sure to have pimple explosion from all the anxiety. And oh heavens, what on earth am I going to wear? I don't have to be perfect; I dont' have to be perfect; I don't have to be perfect.
