Condemnation or Conviction?

A few ramblings for today...

Why I don't blog way more than I do blog.

Ya'll. I have issues. I really do. I've been praying a lot lately about why I blog, and why I don't. I don't way more than I do. And I've been asking myself and God why. Here's what I've come up with.

It's not because I don't have stuff to say. I do. I really, really do. God is always abundantly faithful to regally convict me when I need material. You see I promised Him I would only teach what He's taught me. He never fails. Conviction is consistent. Material is bountiful.

It's not because I don't like it. I love reading comments. I am a "words of affirmation" gal. Satan tells me all the time that nobody cares about what I write. That it is a waste of time. Your words help me combat that deceptive whisper.

It not because I don't have time. It really doesn't take that long. It takes longer in my head than it does in reality. Do you do that? Dread doing something because you tell yourself you don't have time. It will take too long you say; only to discover it probably takes less time than the eight other things you did while putting it off?

So if those aren't the reasons. What are the reasons?

It's a little bit because this process feels a little self-absorbed. When I write I think about you. And what you'll think about me and what I write. Will it sound haughty, smart, witty, wrong? I should write just for Jesus. I know. But you are there looking back at me from the screen. Out there. In cyber space and in reality-simultaneously intimidating. And I'm stuck thinking about you, me and if you'll like me or not. It's silly but true.

There are more reasons I'll share later. Again, material abounds.

But can I ask you a question? What aren't you doing that you really want to do? Lose weight? Read to your kids? Love on your husband? Start a bible study? Clean out your refrigerator? Stop watching T.V.?

We all have "those" things. You know them. The thing that eats at you partly from misplaced guilt partly from neglected conviction.

It will fall into one of two categories. There are things we wish we would do that God never called us to. Then there are the things we don't do that we know God is calling us to. The critical issue is knowing which we are struggling with. I know God has confirmed that blogging is one of the things He IS calling me to. So I am looking at the excuses that I use to avoid it in hopes of being more obedient. But that's step two.

Here's my challenge after walking through this process. Do step one. Think about what you're not doing. Don't start with "why don't I..." or "why can't I...". Instead ask, "Does God want me to...". Answer that question first. This is really hard to do. You will be hounded by all the reasons and ways you are inadequate. I've been wading through my list for weeks now. It ain't fun. Don't get stuck. First answer the main question. Where is the source of my guilt-condemnation or conviction; self or Spirit? I have some thoughts on the difference. I'll share more later this week.

Meantime, I'd love to hear your thoughts. I promise to let them nourish my heart not enlarge my head.

Lessons from BSF

I know it seems a little odd to just pop back on here after so long. I have a "hey I've missed you video" scheduled but technical difficulties interfered. I'll try again tomorrow. In the meantime, here's a quick update of one major thing God is teaching me these days.

Are you dense? I know that's rude to ask, but I think I must be dense; and I'm wondering if I'm the only one. Lately everywhere I turn God seems to be trying to get my attention about the same thing. It's a recurring message that has bled into Dad's sermons on Sunday morning, our Wednesday night Bible Study, my personal quiet times and passages I'm studying for BSF (Bible Study Fellowship.) It will take me some time to unpack this, but for now let me just summarize. God wants me to distance myself from this world. He is offering stark and strong reminders of what a desolate yet seductive place I live in. He is asking me to turn from sins that I have become far too comfortable with. I think I look a little too at "home" here. I'm not 100% sure what He wants me to do about it, but I think He's getting ready to ask me to move into a new realm of faith and discipline.

Here's a passage from my BSF lesson this week. It's from the book of Isaiah 1:5-

"Why should you be beaten anymore? Why do you persist in rebellion? Your whole head is injured, your whole heart is afflicted."

While studying this passage I felt the Spirit say some sobering things to me. I have become a part of a rebellious nation. I don't want to offer a dissertation on the state of America. God is displeased I think, but rather than having me shake my head or wag my finger, the Lord of Hosts is asking me to see my personal rebellion. I am responsible. America is made up of millions of evangelicals who like the American dream more than we like our Heavenly mandate. I have become complacent and lukewarm.

Like verse 5 says, my rebellion has perverted Truth. My head is injured. I allow sin to be overlooked or ignored. My heart is afflicted with hardness and excuses.

God is speaking to me. I am seeking desperately to listen. I only know the diagnosis right now. I am awaiting the prescription. I am on my way to getting well.

She Speaks Scholarship

Yeah, I thought that might get your attention. If you're dancing in your chair, then you've probably heard about the Proverbs 31 She Speaks conference. If you're a little confused but intrigued by the idea of winning something worth hundreds of dollars, go here. No really. Go there. Go there now. I'll wait.

Okay. Now if you're sold on She Speaks, or if you're even slightly curious check this out. Hey check this out even if you're neither. You may know someone who could be...

I am so sorry about the weird thing my earrings were doing, but I did that off the cuff, and so there was NO WAY I could do it twice.

And on another note. We are regular gals. We aren't perfect. We are flawed, and so I wanted you to know that we don't have it all figured out. But we aren't getting hammered daily regarding our interpretation of Scripture or how we apply it to our lives because that's something we take ridiculously seriously. We do our homework. We study. We prepare. We pursue excellence. We are prayed up, but it happens. It's probably not "regularly." The gals I'm on the team with are some amazing sisters, and that needs to be said. After watching the video I wanted to clarify that point. Oh, and I totally put on makeup at 11:28 pm because I'm just that insecure. I currently have on a tshirt with spit up on the shoulder. What can I say I needed to feel kind of put together. Please don't judge me.

Okay, here are the contest rules:

This contest is for women who have never attended She Speaks. And it is for women who would otherwise not be able to attend. If you can afford the conference-please do not enter to win a scholarship. Comments should briefly tell us what winning would mean to you in answering God's call to speak. We will be taking comments until midnight on Friday, April 23rd. A winner will be randomly chosen from all the comments and announced Monday, April 26th on the Proverbs 31 website. Here's the even better news. You can enter multiple times by leaving a comment on each of our blogs. And to make it easy there's a list on my sidebar of the other P31 gals in on the contest. You can also enter through our She Reads, She Seeks and Rad Revolution sites. Happy commenting.

Can't wait to hear from you!!!

Free to Be Me.

Hey guys. Yesterday's carnival was fantastic. You new friends are so fun. Thanks for taking the time to leave your "what I like about me" comments. I was astonished at how many Jesus-girls still struggle with being ourselves. "The Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak"-or wrinkled or dimply or freckled or saggy or flabby. Well you get the picture.

I hope we can endeavor together to give up on ourselves, and find Jesus-yes, more and more and more of Jesus.

The winner of the $30 gift card from Francesca's is Lisa Smith from lifeoflisasmith dot blogspot dot com. This sweet sister is beginning a fierce fight against cancer. Lisa, email me at wpcapps@me.com with your address, and I'll get the certificate out to you. Find you something special and girly. Know when you wear it that this little community of the blogosphere will be praying for you.