Okay. Update time. Our house hasn't sold. We did, however, have a couple walk through. They seemed pretty interested. That was two weeks ago. So no real update there.

We did find a house we LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! There is, however, another couple bidding on it as we speak. So no real update there.

I can't totally say that God is moving or moving us. I know it doesn't sound like much of an update, but hang with me. I was having some quiet time last week. I was practicing the discipline of silence. Friends, that spiritual discipline eats my lunch. It is so hard not to fill the silence...with thoughts, with praise, with prayers, with my grocery list.

I was sitting there fighting off flesh and sin when the Spirit asked if I believed God was able to meet my needs, to take care of me. I immediately responded, "of course." 

Unexpectedly, my mind filled with images of our new home. It is that house we found; we were in it, doing laundry and life. God promised a future I could almost see and savor. I immediately wiped my mental screen blank.

"Lord, I am not seeking You regarding our home. This time is meant just to enjoy You, to offer you my silence as an act of worship." As I sat congratulating myself on my piety, my head filled with images of my new home again.

This time I was getting worried that my flesh was threatening to invade my time with God by distracting me with images of what I want, need, hope for. Maybe you've experienced this? Something in you tries to make worship, or Bible Study or prayer time all about you? Oh, no? Okay. That's just me. Anyway, so this time rather than just offer up a prayer, I offered up my crucifixion.

"Father crucify anything in me that isn't led by your Spirit, anything that doesn't honor You or leave you room to move. This time is not about me. I die to myself, God."

Thinking I'd done more than enough to ward off future distractions, I silence my heart and mind to revere the Lord. Within moments it's there again. Our red house. The one my four-year old stood on the deck and asked God to give us. The red house I've been eyeing for over 18 months. The gorgeous craftsman, European on nearly four acres. The house that features the kitchen of magazine spreads and my dreams.

I start to wipe it away when God whispers, "do you believe I am able?" Do you trust I can AND that I will?"

And that's where the conversation ended-a conversation that really never should have been a conversation to begin with. See, I stink at silence! Anywho...

So this is where I've been for over a week. I mean, do I trust that HE can? Maybe more to the point, am I allowed to trust that He will? I don't really live in the "name it; claim it" arena of faith. And yet, I sincerely believe God was trying to get through my doubt-laced, self-gorged heart. I believe He was trying to give me a promise. I think He was looking for a mustard seed.

In turn, I have spent the last week looking for a mustard seed too. Come back tomorrow to see what I've found. Until then try today to sit in silence before God. Can't wait to hear what you hear. You?
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Leigh said...

I am praying for you and your family. I too struggle with all that my friend. Quiet time? Me? Grins. You aren't alone and I for one am so thankful that you are willing to be honest and real on these pages. Thank you for a peak into the window of your life. Cannot wait to read tomorrow!


Wendy Blight said...

Thanks for sharing so honestly what so many of us feel in our quiet times. I love that about you, Whitney!!!



Jody said...

I can truly relate to your post. In fact, it could have been me writing it. Thanks for being real!